I look better un-naked...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
