You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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