My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
