they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize