Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
