That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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