so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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