when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
God, I missed his penis.
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