WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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