So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
