I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
