i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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