OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
