My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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