In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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