I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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