Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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