The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I can't put those talents on a resume
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize