We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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