Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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