i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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