i can't believe i had my finger in that
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
