You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
