What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
