Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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