I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
