wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
