I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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