and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
