TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
