Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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