I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
