Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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