Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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