Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
