Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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