i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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