Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
