just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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