I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
