I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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