Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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