Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
