when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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