This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
