I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
