Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
