Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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