mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You are the jesus of drinking
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
