: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
