She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
