Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just saw a hot homeless man
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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