Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
