meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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