I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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