toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
