yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
