I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
high people should be assigned attendants
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
