You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
