if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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