I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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