I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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