I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
