did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
