i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
