at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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