I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
