I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
