I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
