god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
