So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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