Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
