i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
COCAINE IS GR8
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize