i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
