I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
