I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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