i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
