that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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