My first STD was from a foam party
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
