yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
