Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
