a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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